Welcome to my new series of articles detailing weird Japanese video games I have played over the years while I try and justify them as legitimate pieces of art despite their subject matters. Our first article will be about an infamous game console developed by SEGA (of Sonic the Hedgehog fame) back in 2011 called the “Toylet”.
”The Toylet. Lets you toy with toilets.”
Now, you may have heard about the “Toylet” before and if not, let me explain. The Toylet is a video game you control with your piss, by pissing into a urinal and letting your urine control the gameplay you see on the screen you seen above the urinal. You heard me correctly, a game you play with your own piss. Now, considering this is Japan, the games are somewhat (read: Very perverted). You can watch a video here to see for yourself.
I first discovered the Toylet back in July 2012 when visiting Akihibara with my best friend. Upon venturing into Sega’s largest Arcade there in an attempt to enjoy as much Persona 4: Arena as we could, nature called and we ventured to the bathroom together and we first encountered the wonders of the “Toylet”. A large, gleeming urinal with a target in the middle stood in front of us, lulling us over with the gentle music and anime imagery on the screen about the toylet. I unzipped my pants and let nature take it’s course and low and behold! A randomly selected game started playing! The game in question was where I was in a weather report and a busty, anime woman was reporting the weather.
The aim of the game was to control the wind with my urine stream and make the wind blow hard and high enough to blow up the woman’s skirt and get a full panty shot. I could not contained how confused I was at the time.
My best friend pushed me aside and decided to try the game. Due to our competitive nature, we tried to beat the game. As he was peeing and I was behind him cheering him on like an over-enthusiastic cheerleader, a Japanese businessman walked in, assessed the situation and walked out with the most straight face. For the rest of the night, we bought large bottles of water, kept chugging until we needed to pee and kept playing on that game until we felt sick. This was when I realised what gaming is. Gaming is the ability to control something in a digital world using various input methods despite the scenario or method used.
For some reason, I felt like this game was worth my hard-earned (Ha!) money so I decided to purchase it and what occurred was some of the strangest moments I’ve ever seen in gaming. The plot is basically as I described in the first paragraph and gameplay consisted of nothing more than raising up your Wiimote and Nunchuk to replicate a pose on screen in order for your Muscled man to run through. In each stage, you and up to 3 friends chase a thief who has made off with your protein shake and have to chase him (even staring popular Japanese fuedal general, Nobunaga) through a variety of stages until you all finally catch up with him, resulting in shaking your Wiimote in a jerking-off action until you all bundle him down. The game was weird, it made me feel weird and I think it’s very existence is weird in general. Words can not even begin to describe how this game makes you feel as a person.
It’s like humans have reached the plateau of originality and ideas….listening to the Katamari-esque soundtrack to this game is like letting my brain cells commit suicide. This game really can not be described in words so if you can, try it and see what you think of it. It’s repetitive but fun in short 10-minute bursts with a few friends. Personally, I believe this game deserves a true HD remake and be available on every device known to mankind.
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